Everyone needs, or wants, to miss work at some point. But, if you don’t have a real excuse, you’re going to need to make up a good one. Below are some excuses you can use. Some are classic excuses, others are creative, and some are questionable. Pick your favorite and try it out on your boss.

1. When I got up this morning I accidentally took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.
2. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
3. I threw my back out bowling.
4. My stigmata’s acting up again.
5. I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work.
6. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the grocery store.
7. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Dodgers, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
8. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
9. My psychiatrist me a jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.
10. The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
11. I prefer to remain an enigma.
12. The EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
13. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
14. I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
15. I’ve earned a day off.
16. I’m Playing Golf with a Client.
17. I have a Doctor’s appointment.
18. I have a Dentist appointment.
19. I have cramps.
20. I’m working from home.
21. There’s been a death in the family.
22. I’m too sleepy from working all day yesterday.
23. I have a personal emergency.
24. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.
25. My daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out.
26. I have come down with Spring Fever.
27. I fell off a ladder fixing the roof on my house and I injured by back.
28. I was attacked and need to recover.
29. I was mugged and the thief took my car keys and driver’s license.
30. I have a migraine.
31. My eyes are watering for some reason causing blurry vision.
32. I’m in the hospital.
33. I’m still drunk from last night.
34. I need a mental recovery day.
35. Last night I had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed and he won’t leave.
36. My car caught on fire on the way to work.
37. My car ran out of gas on the way to work so I pushed it to a gas station, but I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctor’s.
38. My cat got ran over and I need to take it to the vet.
39. My boyfriend hit me and I’m kind of messed up.
40. I was stepping out of my trailer and I missed the step and landed on the ground injuring my back.
41. My shrink put me on a new depressant yesterday and I’m feeling weird.
42. Had to be rushed to hospital for coffee burns on my lap.
43. The city is paving my street and I can’t get out of my neighborhood.
44. The hazmat crew is here and won’t let me out of the house.
45. My wife is too sick to get out of bed and I have to stay home to take care of her.
46. My waterbed busted and my room is flooded.
47. My daughter ran away, so I should stay home to see if she comes back.
48. I won’t be in today….I’m calling in dead.
49. My home is flooded and I’m currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom.
50. I do not feel up to par today.
51. I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out blue.
52. I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I’m out of gas until payday.
53. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctor’s to get it out.
54. My horse overate and needs to be walked so he doesn’t lay down and die.
55. I have the flu.
56. My wife’s breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits.
57. My husband had a vasectomy yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I need to stay home and help him ice them.
58. A SWAT team closed off a part of a street after a disgruntled ex-employee shot several people.
59. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to come in today.
60. The springs on my garage door broke and I can’t get my car out cause the door won’t open.
61. My spiritual guide said something bad will happen to me if I leave my house today.
62. My spiritual guide said there will be a fire at my work today so I’m staying home.
63. If I tell you why I can’t come in, I’d have to kill you.
64. You’re on a need to basis, but you don’t need to know.
65. You can’t handle the truth.
66. My dog is having puppies and I need to help her.
67. My cat is having kittens and I need to help her.
68. Someone smashed in my windows this morning with a large blunt object.
69. I sprained my wrist cooking breakfast in the microwave.
70. I slipped in the shower and injured my knee. I can’t walk on it at all.
71. I cut my self shaving and it hurts to walk.
72. I locked myself in the bathroom.
73. I locked my keys in my car.
74. I locked myself out of the house.
75. My dog died.
76. My street is flooded and I can’t drive out.
77. Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I can’t get out.
78. My cat was alarmed by my sleep-talking and jumped off the bed, knocked my alarm off the dresser, of which the batteries fell out; so I over slept.
79. I can’t find any clothes to wear.
80. My washing machine broke and I don’t have any clean clothes.
81. My water has been turned off.
82. I didn’t pay my electricity bill so I can’t see to get ready.
83. I am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition.
84. Last night a friend I haven’t seen in a long time came over and gave me a bear hug and broke one of my ribs.
85. I was up all weekend with this new girl I met and I didn’t get any sleep…if you know what I mean.
86. My asthma is really bad.
87. I tried lifting my daughter out of her crib and twisted my back.
88. On my way to work today, my tooth cracked. I’ll be going to the dentist.
89. The fan belt broke on my van.
90. The brakes went out on my car.
91. My car has a flat tire.
92. The hot water tap in my shower broke.
93. I’m stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
94. During the night the power must have gone off because when I woke up my alarm clock time was flashing.
95. My cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don’t spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture.
96. My wife said she is going to conceive today, and I want to be there when it happens.
97. My chain came off my bicycle.
98. I came down with a bad case of something or other.
99. My cat hid my car keys because she gets lonesome when I’m gone.
100. I was taking a shower and I dropped the soap, as I reached down to pick it up, I slipped and fell causing me to bust my lip, twist my ankle, strain my back, stub my finger, and get soap in my eyes.
101. The babysitter didn’t show up today so I have to watch my kids.

Even through the hardest times with our current economy, co workers are still thinking of innovative ways to bring funny office humor to lift the spirits of others. Office pranks never seem to get annoying and there’s a new generation of people out there looking to annoy their fellow coworkers and bosses. Here are the Best Office Pranks Part 3.

1. “It’s music to my ears”–We all have this type of person in our office…the person who has awful taste in music and has no consideration for others. He or she never seems to remember to bring in headphones and decidedly blasts their crazy techno or Mariachi music throughout the office for everyone else to enjoy. Here’s a way to get even with your music maker.

While your co-worker is out to lunch or away from their computer for a few minutes, create your own file of music, preferably the type of music that annoys them the most, or a type of music that is even more irritating than what they already play. Transfer from the music file onto a USB port and download it onto their desktop.

On your colleague’s computer, go to the control panel and look into the sound devices. Go into the sound tab and click on the Start Windows tab, or any other popular tab that is frequently used and replace the existing sounds with those from your music file. Apply the changes, turn their speakers up the highest volume and turn their computer off. When they get back to their computer and restart their program, the music file your applied will start blaring from their speakers. It will surely scare your colleague and they might reconsider bringing in their headphones to personally enjoy their music.

2. Electronic Overload–(One of the more complicated of office practical jokes) Let’s say you have a boss or manager in your office that isn’t the sharpest when it comes to technology. Have one of your IT guys or an electrician re-wire some of the electronics in his or her office. For example, when they turn on the light switch, their radio turns on. Or, when they pick up their phone, the fan starts blowing. Be creative with this one and don’t forget to rewire everything after the prank is over.

www.bestofficepranks.com

3. Welcome Back Gift–When your favorite boss leaves for a week for his annual vacation, get to work with your co-workers and line the floor of his office with Styrofoam cups, mouse traps, dominos, or even crumpled up paper. After coming back from a relaxing vacation, he will definitely be peaved when it takes him a couple hours to clean up the mess. And don’t forget to conveniently place a garbage can near his office or cubicle to discard the clutter.

www.bestofficepranks.com

4. Hole Punch Haven–If you have a particularly messy coworker who, let’s say, leaves their desk awry over the weekend with various papers, pens and wrappers strewn about their workspace, you can get them to notice very quickly that they are the hugest pig in the sty. While they are away from their desk, grab their car keys and bring a large bag full of hole punch scraps with you. If you can, open up their air vents and fill them up with the hole punches. Find an annoying radio station and turn the volume to full blast. While the car is off, turn the air to its highest level, lock the car up, and safely return their keys back to their desk. As your employee gets ready to leave for lunch or the office for the day, watch from a window as their air vents spits paper shredding back at them while country music blasts in their ears. They’ll definitely remember to clean up after themselves.

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5. Feeling a Little Rewired?–If you have two computers that are next to each other, switch all of the cords between the two docking stations. The duo will never figure out why their new CD won’t play on their drive, or why all of their important documents and files have magically disappeared and have been replaced with someone else’s work.

If you spend at least eight hours a day working in an office, it’s only a matter of time before you start getting antsy and need a distraction to relax your brain a bit. While you could spend some time catching up on your serious solitaire skills or shopping online, wouldn’t it be a more fulfilling experience to plan the ultimate office prank on your co-workers or boss? In the more casual work environments, office pranks are used as an initiation of sorts for new employees, or to get revenge on co-workers who are just getting back from a long-winded vacation to the tropics. Here is list of simple and more extraordinary office practical jokes that you can practice at your own work place. Welcome to Part 2 of The Best Office Pranks.

Simple office pranks to take advantage of:

A little Google language switch-a-roo—When your co-worker leaves their desk for a few minutes, go into their Google search page, click on the “Preferences” link and change the interface language to something unique, such as Klingon on Pirate. If your co-worker isn’t the most technologically savvy, they may have some problems the next time they are feeling lucky.

It’s a jerk in a box—Get a box that is big enough for you to fit in and place the box is a heavily trafficked place, such as near someone’s cubicle or in the break room. Get in the box, jump out and scare passing victims. Crazy masks are a plus here.

A little J-E-L-L-O love—Take one of your co-worker’s most used items that can be replaced, such as a mouse or calculator and bring it home with you. In a large bowl, mix a few boxes of Jell-O and place the item in the bowl and let it sit over night. Bring the Jell-O mold back to work and replace it where it was the day before. Your co-worker will have a great time figuring out how to get their item out of this delicious dessert.

The finished product!

More intensive office pranks that you may need some time to plan:

“I swear that wasn’t my computer!”—There are certain computer programs, such as EZ Macro amen5a, that you can download to a colleague’s computer that allows you to set up various applications to run when certain specifications are met. For example, the desk top can open up a few dozen windows all at the same time, forcing your coworker to try and close all of the unnecessary programs. You could run an application where awkward sounds come from their computers when certain words are typed. Choose an application that adds funny words automatically after they type in predetermined words. Or, find a program that opens NSFW images every few minutes.

Recycle, Reduce, Reuse—This prank is pretty time consuming so get some assistance from friends. Get a bunch of cardboard and recreate everything in your co-worker’s office, ranging from their computer and desk, to portraits of their family and staplers. Install a video in their office so you can capture their face when they realize their office was built for a hobo. If you are looking for a less time-consuming office prank, wrap their whole office in newspaper.

Another funny office prank idea!

Tips for pulling off an office prank with the safest parameters:

• Make sure to notify higher management if you will be attempting to pull off more detailed pranks. Don’t hurt anyone’s feelings or break any property. You do want your job the next day, right?
• If the victim suspects that an office prank may be happening soon—say it’s close to April Fool’s Day—try doing the prank a few days before or after April 1st or when they get back from vacation to keep them on their toes.
• Take lots of pictures and video to document people’s stunned faces. Don’t forget to share these pictures and they may even end up on the monthly company newsletter.
• Ask co-workers to help you out. If the process is extensive, you’ll need more bodies to distract the victim and follow through with the scheme.

Office pranks are a popular past time for any imaginative co-worker, but make sure the prank is safe and won’t upset anyone in the office. Get your creative juices flowing and keep the integrity of office humor alive.

There are everyday, run of the mill gags to play on your co-workers, and then there are the videos you see below – also known as The Greatest Office Pranks of All time!

1. The fake wall!
   A great office prank requires three things: dedication, commitment and way too much time on your hands. A good example of all three, the construction of this fake wall in a highly trafficked office hallway is inspired simplicity at its finest.
   
2. An office wake-up call, without the caffeine!
   For anyone who has watched their co-workers whittle away the hours playing Tetris or Microsoft Solitaire while collecting the same check as you do, this video illustrates the downside of zoning out in front of videogame when you should be working.
   
3. Why you should never make copies at the food court?
   When we think food court, only Sabarro’s yummy pizza comes to mind. But evidentially in England (or is it Australia) the mall is a great place to copy and collate. Just keep an eye open for those hidden cameras (and maybe even Bob Saget).
   
4. Beware the upside-down tea cup.
   Why only 100,000 You Tube visitors have watched the classic “fun with science” prank is beyond us. It’s as hilarious as it is destructive! Enjoy.
   
5. Balloons Away!
   While the boss is away, the mice will be really, really unproductive. Give the worker bees a credit card, access to a nearby Party City store and watch what happens. Bonus points for the Wagnerian opera soundtrack that accompanies this prank.